My "peers" have no imagination

Okay, this is serious. Well, kind of serious. Serious in the fact that I actually do have to draft a speaker for the Medical School graduation ceremony. My "peers" at the COM entirely lack the imagination to put forth real/valid/interesting options for speaker (or the ability to read this blog...anyone out there...?). Thus far we have had inquiries and been turned down by or unable to contract Sen McCain, Gov Napolitano, John Stossel (host of ABC's 20/20...he has a warm spot in our hearts), Jon Stewart, and Surgeon Gen Carmona (he spoke a couple of years ago...and a little too controversial in town).

What I impart on you is to give me some ideas for 1)Someone who will actually be an interesting speaker, 2)Someone who may (not required) have ties to or an interesting outlook on the medical profession, 3)Someone of renown who has an impact on or perspective on the status of healthcare in our country, 4)Any other suggestions you have. I need to get this done. The Man is breathing down my neck. I know most of you are more politically inclined or well read than the average medical student of the University of Arizona. Let me know what you think.

A nose like Jennifer Aniston's

I hate being a convalescent. It goes against ever part of my nature. If nothing else, I just can't sit still long enough for this whole healing thing. As some of you know, I had rhinoplasty (more specifically a turbinectomy with septoplasty) yesterday to correct a near inability to breath through my nose. I just happened to have a small nose with large nasal turbinates.

The surgery went well. The anesthesia after effects were minimal, and now I have to just sit around with my nose packed full of gauze, taking vicodin (which does absolutely nothing for me, BTW), and watching movies from a reclined position to keep the blood from dripping out. Disgusting, I apologize, but such is my life for the next few days. I am so bored. No matter how hard I try, I cannot lay around all day. It is nearly killing me.

Anyway, please continue to keep me entertained with child names. After watching Troy this afternoon (Brad Pitt is sooo dreamy) I have to say that Kyle's offering of "Themosticles" is my favorite thus far.

Oh, boy!

For those of you who haven't heard yet, the unisex baby formerly known as Gigli (UBFKG)is officially a boy. Now we just need a name. Four months and counting. Should we go via the promotional eBay route (i.e. name my baby in exchange for college tuition), the traditional family name route (Rob Jr.), the trendy new name route (Hunter, LeBron), or just pick something out of a hat? In the spirit of the newly engaged Uncle Brian's "Name My Blog Contest (UBNMBC)", send in your suggestions for a baby name and if we actually choose your name (unlikely) there will be some sort of prize (i.e. having a baby with the name you suggested enter the world). Good luck, and may God help us all.

I thought my legal problems were bad...

Stolen from MSNBC

HOUSTON - A Texas woman indicted last month for allegedly giving her husband a lethal sherry enema said he was an enema addict who did it to himself, a newspaper reported Thursday.
Tammy Jean Warner said late husband Michael Warner had an alcohol problem and enjoyed giving himself wine or sherry enemas because his body would absorb the spirits more quickly that way.
“That’s the way he went out and I’m sure that’s the way he wanted to go out because he loved his enemas,” she told the Houston Chronicle.
Michael Warner, 58, died on May 21 and was found to have a blood alcohol level of 0.47 percent, or nearly six times the level considered too drunk to drive in Texas.
Mrs. Warner, 42, is accused of giving her husband a sherry enema even though she knew alcohol was bad for this health and faces a charge of criminally negligent homicide.
“There’s no way I could have gave my husband that enema, no way,” she said.
Police in Lake Jackson, Texas, 40 miles south of Houston, said there was evidence that Mr. Warner had received two large bottles of sherry.
“It all started back when he was a child,” Mrs. Warner explained. “His mother used to give him enemas all the time, and he started to depend on them.”
“He did coffee enemas, he did Castile soap, Ivory soap,” she said. “He had enema recipes.”
Mrs. Warner, a former bartender who got married to Warner in October 2002, is also charged with destroying his will, but she denied the charge, the Chronicle said.
Currently free on $30,000 bail, she is scheduled to go to trial in July. If convicted, she faces up to two years in prison and a $10,000 fine on each charge.

I fought the law and...

...the law won. Fifty dollars and 20 hours of community service. What did I, an obvious deviant and danger to society do to deserve this punishment? I parked the “wrong way” in front of my own house for a total of twenty minutes in an effort to avoid getting some papers wet on a rare rainy day here in Tucson.

Although I didn’t know that what I was doing was illegal, ignorance is no excuse. Now, don’t get me wrong, I still think the whole deal is (as the French say) a load of crap, but the penalties could be much worse. The original ticket was for $150 and it is a mandatory fine according to the law. Therefore, no matter how nice the judge was, and how much I flirted with her (I mean “meekly made my case”), there was still a fine to be levied.

Is this our government at work to keep an orderly and productive society, or is it a blatant fund raising effort by the City of Tucson? I might actually become a Libertarian.

Enough for now. I have to go put on my jump suit and start picking up the garbage. See you on the interstate.