The horror...the horror...
Anna Nicole Smith. So this is what it takes to drive me back to the keyboard. You may be unaware, as this issue has been somewhat under-reported in the news lately. Anna Nicole (I use the familiar tense, as we are all somewhat familiar with her, aren’t we?) passed away, not unsurprisingly, but serendipitously for the news channels.
My beef (or le boeuf as the French call it) is that I run in the mornings. I run on a treadmill at a local gym. I run on a treadmill at a local gym in front of a bank of televisions. I run on a treadmill in front a of a bank to televisions that have nearly beaten me to death with the latest on Anna Nicole.
These televisions are what keep me entertained, and provide the mental detachment from my legs and the pain they suffer. This past week, however, has been a nightmare. The three televisions, TVs in the common sense, that I watch, invariably show three channels: VH1, CNN Headline News, and Fox News. None of these embody the height of our civilization, but generally they keep me up to date on pop culture and make my run pass quickly. VH1 has three shows: The White Rapper Show, I Love New York, and The Surreal Life. They have only been showing the Surreal Life, and I am just as sick of Ron Jeremy as the other characters (yes, “characters” on a “reality” show…doesn’t quite make sense, does it?) on the show. The other two channels have been bombarding us 24/7 with “breaking news” of the ANS case. This morning I found out that Howard K. Stern had left the house in the Bahamas and footage was to follow, only to be updated 30 minutes later that in fact he has not left the house, but must leave to go to court tomorrow. I'll be there waiting.
Two news channels, showing only ANS! My only reprieve last week came in the form of not one, but two high speed chases (one in Florida, one in Houston…go figure) that, thank God, lasted almost exactly 30 minutes. These allowed for a brief respite before the debate over what should be done with her body raged on.
Finally, I would like to go on the record at this point by publicly acknowledging that I do not think that I am the father of Anna Nicole’s unfortunate child (oh, by the way, Daniellynn, what the hell kind of name is that? Sorry kid.), but I will leave it to Fox and CNN to debate the “truth.”
My beef (or le boeuf as the French call it) is that I run in the mornings. I run on a treadmill at a local gym. I run on a treadmill at a local gym in front of a bank of televisions. I run on a treadmill in front a of a bank to televisions that have nearly beaten me to death with the latest on Anna Nicole.
These televisions are what keep me entertained, and provide the mental detachment from my legs and the pain they suffer. This past week, however, has been a nightmare. The three televisions, TVs in the common sense, that I watch, invariably show three channels: VH1, CNN Headline News, and Fox News. None of these embody the height of our civilization, but generally they keep me up to date on pop culture and make my run pass quickly. VH1 has three shows: The White Rapper Show, I Love New York, and The Surreal Life. They have only been showing the Surreal Life, and I am just as sick of Ron Jeremy as the other characters (yes, “characters” on a “reality” show…doesn’t quite make sense, does it?) on the show. The other two channels have been bombarding us 24/7 with “breaking news” of the ANS case. This morning I found out that Howard K. Stern had left the house in the Bahamas and footage was to follow, only to be updated 30 minutes later that in fact he has not left the house, but must leave to go to court tomorrow. I'll be there waiting.
Two news channels, showing only ANS! My only reprieve last week came in the form of not one, but two high speed chases (one in Florida, one in Houston…go figure) that, thank God, lasted almost exactly 30 minutes. These allowed for a brief respite before the debate over what should be done with her body raged on.
Finally, I would like to go on the record at this point by publicly acknowledging that I do not think that I am the father of Anna Nicole’s unfortunate child (oh, by the way, Daniellynn, what the hell kind of name is that? Sorry kid.), but I will leave it to Fox and CNN to debate the “truth.”
posted by rob at 5:25 PM
2 Comments:
I also tend to spend a fair amount of time on a treadmill in front of a large bank of televisions (for me it is in the evenings, but I digress). I've found I'm actually incapable of focusing on what any of them are showing, so it all kind of runs together. For a while last week I was under the impression that Anna Nicole had been killed by a car bomb in Iraq. So thanks for clearing that up.
Last night I found out that Osama bin Laden had shaved Britney Spears' head to protest the Mormon invasion of Iran. Or something.
As Brian mentioned, you won't have to stare at pictures of Anna Nicole Smith and her life story as a movie anymore.
Thank goodness for Britney's ability to make the US perk up an gawk.
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